I have a goatee. Back in high school when I first grew one (yes, I’ve been able to grow a full goatee since age 17), the goatee was still a novelty. It was a facial hair configuration reserved for the young, the rebellious, and those in desperate pursuit of cool.

But now it seems like everyone sports a goatee. Celebrities, political pundits, and pastors. In the world of church fashion goatees used to be reserved for youth pastors… his way of identifying with the young. Those days are long gone. Even Rick Warren has a goatee. The rebel beard has been tamed. It’s gone mainstream.

I’ve shaved mine off a few times. Some people prefer me without it. As one member of my church said when I arrived on a Sunday clean shaven, “I’m so glad you shaved off the goatee. Now we don’t have to call you ’sinister Skye’ anymore.” I thought that was funny. Ultimately I’ve decided to keep the facial hair because, 1) my wife likes it. 2) I think I should have some hair on my head besides my eyebrows. It’s a quota thing. And 3) I hate shaving and with the goatee I can skip a day or two and not look completely lazy.

This post was inspired by an article by Bryan Curtis on The Daily Beast. It’s a great read. Here’s an excerpt:

Another take on the New New Goatee: It is a symbol of bloggy, stay-at-home cred. “I wish I were part of some grand sociological trend,” says Jonah Goldberg, the goateed conservative pundit and frequent blogger on National Review Online. “But I mostly do it because I work from home and it makes it easier to go very long periods of time with shaving.”

The New New Goatee can signify both youth and maturity. Billy Joel’s goatee is a sign of an older man trying to recapture his youth. Michael Phelps’ goatee is a sign of a golden boy trying to look older.

There are, of course, aesthetic considerations. “First and foremost, they’re thinning,” says Larry the Cable Guy. When he debuted as a morning radio personality in the 1990s, Larry’s act was delightfully offensive but his face was baby-smooth. “I looked like a kid, a punk, no facial hair, nothing,” he says. Larry grew a full beard, but that was a smidge too country—“I looked like an Oak Ridge Boy”—so he pruned it down into a goatee. Paired with a baseball cap and sleeveless shirt, these days Larry looks like he has just exited a Golden Corral buffet. He has redneck gravitas.

Don’t like your New New Goatee? Simply change an accessory or two. Add some pricey eyewear, and a goatee can make you hip, as it does Johnny Depp. Doff your shirt, and it can make you all-powerful, as it does Shane Carwin of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Stand in the vicinity of a Republican presidential candidate, and a goatee can make you look like the campaign’s sage, as with McCain aide Mark Salter. A goatee can lend an otherwise unremarkable creature a touch of menace. Google News turns up dozens of criminal suspects like this one from Oregon over the weekend: “a white male about 5 feet 9 inches or 6 feet tall and weighing between 160 and 180 pounds. He may have a goatee.” Ooga-boogah!